


All Work and Enough Pain (Makes Anyone A Cruel Boy)

by elletromil



Series: Elle's Christmas Gifts [4]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Eggsy is the torturer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5530124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Eggsy has to torture someone for a mission, Roxy is there to comfort him, even though they way he can detach himself from these situations scares her as much as it scares him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Work and Enough Pain (Makes Anyone A Cruel Boy)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChillinLikeVillains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillinLikeVillains/gifts).



> Merry Christmas dear wife!!!
> 
> I hope you are having a good time right now sweetheart!
> 
> Considering how different this story is from my usual stuff, I can't really judge if it's good, but hopefully it'll be what you wanted!

Lancelot unwillingly flinches when she hears the cry of pain followed by broken whimpers from the other room. She doesn’t hear Galahad speaking, but he must be because the next things she knows, their mark is begging him between sobs to _please stop_ , that he’ll say anything they needs to know, but _please_ just _stop_.

It takes about half an hour more before Galahad leaves the room to join her again, looking for everything like the prim and proper gentleman, not a hair out of place, nothing to indicate that anything untowards happened. However, one look at the other agent’s face makes Lancelot shiver uncontrollably. It’s not so much as closed off as it it cold, like looking at a statue. No matter how realistic a sculpture can get, it doesn’t change the fact that it will never be alive.

She doesn’t know if she ought to reach out for him or turn around and run as far away as her feet will carry her.

She does neither, Merlin’s voice in her ear letting her know of their next objective now that they’ve found out about the missing intel.

Nor Galahad nor her spare a look back to the closed door as they leave. They both know what is beyond it, but it is no longer their responsibility. Merlin will have a team to tidy up that particular loose end.

*

It takes them two days to complete their mission, two more days before they can stop and finally catch their breath.

They’re lying low in some hotel, pretending to be newlyweds on their honeymoon instead of the spies who have just dismantle the human trafficking ring that they are.

Once they get inside their room, Roxy sighs in relief and makes to sag against Eggsy, fully intent on having their usual post-mission cuddle right now. She is surprised when he pushes her away from him. The shove has been more than gentle, _careful_ even, as if Eggsy is suddenly afraid she will break.

She would be offended, but that’s when she notices the way Eggsy’s body is shaking with fine tremors.

“Eggsy?” It usually takes longer before they go back to real names after a long joint mission, but there is no remnants of agent Galahad in the lost boy in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head and takes a steps backwards when she reaches out for him again.

“You shouldn’t…” With his eyes looking everywhere but at her, he misses the way Roxy frowns at him. “I don’t- I mean, how can you stand it? Touching me, after all I have done?”

It takes a moment before she understands what he is referring to. However when she does, she could beat herself up for not thinking of it before. If she has difficulty reconciling agent Galahad, Kingsman’s torture expert, with Eggsy, the closest thing to a pure soul she’s met, she can’t start to imagine what the dichotomy is doing to her friend himself.

But even if she cannot and won’t ever pretend Galahad doesn’t sometimes makes her break in a cold sweat, Eggsy is still her best friend and she won’t ever shy away from him when he needs her.

That’s why she as no qualms backing him up until the back of his knees hit the mattress of the bed and she settles on top of him comfortably.

“You’re being an idiot.” She mumbles in the crook of his neck, smiling sadly when Eggsy finally wraps his arms around her, holding even tighter than after the events of V-Day, when they still thought Harry was dead. “You can say “no” when it gets too much you know.”

Because even if sometimes the stakes are too big and they don’t have any other choices, being an independent organization means that Arthur tries his very best not to force any of his Knights into uncomfortable situation.

“I don’t want Harry to be accused of favouritism or something.”

Groaning in frustration wouldn’t help them in any way right now, which is why she stops herself from doing it. That and the fact that Eggsy still tries to protect them all in his own way when they clearly do not need it will be cute instead of annoying.

“Harry wouldn’t. We all have something. Like Percival who doesn’t go on honeypots anymore.”

“Not really the same,” Eggsy protests weakly and he’s somewhat right. Most of their honeypots can be carried out by any of the Knights except when mission specifically calls for a woman. That Percival isn’t assigned those since the previous Lancelot’s death isn’t really a thorn in their sides.

“I’ve refused three black widow assignments,” Roxy says after the silence has gone for a moment too long. It’s not something she likes talking about, but here, in this little bubble of privacy their hotel room allows, with her best friend in need of comfort and reassurance, she finds out that the words come easy. “Once I knew the girl and it could have compromised the mission. The second time, the bloke reminded me too much of Merlin. And it was the stupidest thing really, it was only his voice, because physically he couldn’t have been more different if he had tried.”

Roxy hesitates for a moment, still wary of talking about the last one, but she take a bracing breath and soldier on when she sees that Eggsy is about to interrupt her again.

“And the last time, it was because I was feeling good. I was feeling good and I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. I could have had, Merlin and Harry both knew it, but they respected my decision because there was another way to do it. Harder, but it could be done.”

Knowing this doesn’t really help her with the guilt of forcing an assassination on someone else, but she is still glad she doesn’t have that particular death on the conscience, just this once. She’s killed many times since then and will again until she meets her own end, but she’s learned that sometimes it’s okay to say no. It’s a lesson Eggsy still needs to learn and accept. He has to realise that even a refusal to do one task won’t make Kingsman send him packing. Nothing he does will. They take care of their own, even more so now that Harry is at the head of the table.

“But… But even if I say no, it won’t change what I’ve already done.”

There is nothing she can say to that. No matter what the reasons behind their actions are, at the end of the day, the things they do are as condemnable as what the ones they set out to stop do.

The only difference is that they do it to protect those who cannot protect themselves, even from threats they won’t ever have knowledge of.

“What I’ve done, it scares me,” the words come a small eternity later, when she is on the verge of falling asleep. But as soon as they register in her mind, she becomes alert again. “How I can do all that so… So easily.”

“It scares me too.” Roxy can feel him flinch, as if from a blow, but she won’t start lying to Eggsy when they’ve always only been honest with each other. “But I’ll always make sure you come back.”

Eggsy hugs her closer to him, lips pressing against her head in a silent thank you. They both it’s not because of what she’s just told him, but rather for what she left unsaid. That if one day Eggsy lost himself to the torturer he can become, she’ll make the call and stop him from continuing on that path.

“So, when is that trip to Disneyland with Daisy?” For anyone else, it would be a non sequitur, both they both know what this truly is.

This is Roxy having his back, reminding Eggsy of who he truly is at his core. A devoted brother, a loving son, an attentive lover. Her best friend.

They fall asleep still cuddling, going over the details of how Eggsy is going to spend his upcoming downtime spoiling his sister rotten.


End file.
